Original article published on 2018-04-20 15:04:23 written by Elizabeth Laura Nelson
What if you stopped trying to talk yourself into something that doesn’t feel right?
Have you ever wrestled with a decision about whether or not to stick it out in a relationship?
Maybe you know deep down that it’s not going to work, but you’ve already invested so much time and energy that it seems like a waste to walk away. Or maybe there are a lot of wonderful things about your relationship, but there seem to be an equal number of obstacles that you just can’t overcome.
If you’re stuck making pro and con lists in your head all day long, constantly talking things over with your friends and collecting names of recommended couples counselors, unable to decide whether or not it’s time to call it quits, you might benefit from a revolutionary new way of making decisions – a simple method that will help you stop wringing your hands and start moving on with your life.
“Hell yeah” and “Fuck yes”
Entrepreneur Derek Sivers first introduced the idea of the “Hell yeah” benchmark as a way of fending off overcommitment and staying focused on what matters to you. “When deciding whether to do something,” wrote Sivers, “if you feel anything less than ‘Wow! That would be amazing! Absolutely! Hell yeah!’ – then say ‘no’.”
Blogger Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, then took that idea and applied it to relationships, calling it “The Law of ‘Fuck Yes’ or ‘No’.”
Basically, says Manson, in order to start – or continue – a relationship, both parties need to be enthusiastic and excited about each other enough to say “Fuck yes!” when asking themselves, “Should I be in this relationship?” No hesitation, no hemming and hawing. Just, “Fuck yes!”
The rationale for this, he explains, is that “attractive, non-needy, high self-worth people don’t have time for people who they are not excited to be with and who are not excited to be with them.”
Keeping things in perspective
Of course, we’ve probably all experienced relationships in which we said “Fuck yes!” at one point in time, and then felt hesitation creeping in later. Infatuation fades, shit happens, we start fighting. That’s the tricky thing about applying a simple, blanket theory to a complex situation. However, there’s another way to look at it that might help.
When you’re at that crossroads in your relationship, try breaking it down. It’s not all-or-nothing. If you’ve just started dating someone and you’re not quite sure about them, the question could be, “Do I think there might be something here that’s worth exploring?” If you really can’t see it, then forget it. In a more serious relationship that’s hit a rough patch, ask yourself, “Do I want to give this a little more time and see if it’s fixable?”
“You can be ‘Fuck yes’ about trying to fix things in an unhappy relationship because you can see future potential,” explains Manson. The key is to know at what point you’re just stringing things along toward an inevitable end. Are you truly excited about continuing the relationship and figuring out whether it’s salvageable? Because if you don’t see yourselves together down the road, you’re not doing yourself – or your partner – any favors.
And speaking of your partner, how do they feel about things? Being on the same page is incredibly important. No matter how badly you think you want something to work, ultimately, being with a person who isn’t one hundred percent excited and enthusiastic – Fuck yeah! – about you is not going to be fulfilling.
The freedom of walking away
There are always those people who will urge you to try your hardest to make a relationship work, to give someone another chance, or to second-guess your own instincts. But those people aren’t the ones who have to live your life. You’ve got to learn to shut out that chorus of voices and go with your gut.
Here are a few things that will happen when you stop trying to talk yourself into things and apply the law of “Fuck yes,” “Hell yeah,” or whatever you want to call it.
First, you won’t feel like you’re always wishing and hoping for things to change, you won’t always feel the sting of disappointment and the corresponding rush of anger from being let down. You’ll be the one in control. Second, you won’t feel bad about being with someone you’re not really that into, but who you can’t let go of because you’re afraid there’s no one else out there. Third – and best of all – you’ll get practice setting strong boundaries, which only makes you more irresistible.
Confidence is sexy. Being sure of what you want, and what you deserve, will make you like a magnet for the right people to come into your life. Being willing to walk away from the wrong relationship without fear opens up your entire future, so you’re saying “Fuck yeah!” about everything – relationships, jobs, your personal style, you name it. You owe it to yourself to be excited about your life. You know what the right thing is. So do it.
Images via giphy, vhi, tumblr.
Comment: Do you tend to stay stuck in situations and relationships you aren’t completely excited about?